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Self-Employed Inner Peace

Writer's picture: Julia BakayJulia Bakay



Life Lessons of Inner Peace for the Self Employed - Business Owners, Entrepreneurs & Freelancers


'A person is self-employed if they run their business for themselves and take responsibility for its success or failure.'

- UK Government Website


...and what is Success in our Self-Employed world?


Despite what we have been led to believe, it's not about how much you make, how many clients you have, or how the world sees you - but has everything to do with how you feel about it all.


So I’ve decided to share this journal piece, with the hope that the lessons I’ve learned so far as a Self-Employed Artist - even if I don’t yet master them- will help my fellow entrepreneurs, business owners and freelancers on their journey towards inner peace.


So here we go!


Dropping the ‘I language’


I never thought I’d say this, for I’m a big fan of ‘I-statements’ in my personal interactions - they take you much further! But in my experience, that’s not the case in business… 


I first started out as a ‘freelance artist’, I felt like one and kept talking about everything as it was happening to me... A lack of clients meant that ‘I wasn’t busy’, and a message meant that someone wanted to work with me. And it was an absolute milestone when I realized what I was doing with my language - I was not only exposing myself to emotional rollercoasters, but keeping myself small. 


When I managed to peel the business off my personality, things really started to thrive, and with the huge pressure off me, so did I! Don’t get me wrong, who I am and how I work with people is still the greatest asset this company has to offer, and the fact that I get to offer 1:1 creative service is invaluable. But when I started treating my business as a separate entity in my language and my mind, things just became so much easier to understand, analyse, or deal with.


Inner Peace for Self Employed
A peaceful image to give you a break...

Dealing with Mistakes


For example, when dealing with mistakes! By taking a step away, you can look at everything that happens and doesn’t happen from a business perspective. Instead of ‘I can’t do this’, we can look at it this way: ‘this is a business, and we need this skill’. By taking it less personally, you might be more likely to act on it, and even invest in your learning!


If you mess something up, instead of going down the shame and regret slide, try to sit down with a pen and paper and analyse it immediately. See where it went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what can be saved. It’s so easy to be hard on or feel sorry for ourselves, but sometimes we need to step up as the boss instead, and help ourselves to learn the lesson from it.


Dealing with Rejection


Phew, this is a toughie! Yet just like in dating, if you’re putting yourself out there, you’ll have to learn to deal with rejection! It’s ironic, isn’t it - you may have gotten away with marrying your High School sweetheart, and never knew rejection before. Then you decided to start a business and this life lesson bites you in the bum!


The secret is - as I’ve had the chance to learn in both my romantic and personal life - we can’t afford to take rejection personally. If we’d like to carry on (and we have to), we can’t keep questioning ourselves, but keep looking for those who need and appreciate what we have to offer. 


After a bit of healthy self-analysis to see if there’s anything to learn, we just have to assume what’s most helpful to us - in business, an opportunity may fall through for lack of budget, time, or understanding - and that’s OK. Follow up once or twice and then let it go. 


Personal note: both in business and romantic relationships, people tend to circle back months or years later to check on your availability… So lucky thing if you didn’t take that rejection personally, is it now?! It was all a matter of timing.


Knowing what’s ‘part of the Deal’


One thing that's useful to learn is the projects which don’t come through were never yours to start with. When someone asks for a quote and then disappears, train yourself not to look at it as something lost. Put it in the ‘maybe next time’ folder (in my case, quite literally in that email folder) and focus elsewhere. It’s the Buddhist principle of ‘non-attachment’, if you will. They teach that all of our suffering comes from grasping things, and freedom comes from non-attachment - you choose!


Approaching it from a less spiritual perspective, I found ‘not meant to be’ a poor consolation when it comes to losing out on something that could have been amazing to work on! Instead, thinking of it as ‘part of doing business’ was more helpful for me. Because it is. Sales that don’t happen and projects that fall through are all part of the deal - even the largest organizations prove that on a daily basis.


Finding your Buddy


The reason why I know what happens inside a larger corporation is that my ‘career buddy’ happens to be working at one - she’s managing a large team, and reporting to CEOs, so our experiences are seemingly quite the opposite. Perhaps that’s why this became a regular thing - we’re both fascinated to hear about the other's work-related dilemmas, challenges, joys and rants, and can give excellent advice from the other end of the career spectrum. Although we deal with very different types of problems - the teachings seem to be so transferable. In fact, it may be nice to get out of your industry once in a while, and see the world from a different, perhaps even an employed perspective! It helps you question or reaffirm your choices.


Being self-employed is a rather lone wolf path - unless or until you build a team. But even then, you need a coach or a friend who can hold that space for you. As my example shows, they don’t even have to be from your field - just a good listener, someone supportive and interested, for whom you’re happy to do the same. These mutual career coaching sessions can be 5 minutes or hours, but they always leave both of us inspired and uplifted. Highly recommend!


Inner Peace for Self Employed
...and one more to feed your mind with healthy visuals!

Feeding your Mind


Social media platforms, if done without any purpose or structure, can be the bedrock of impostor syndrome and anxiety, especially if you’re just starting out, your business is going through a slower time, or you’re just an anxious type in general..

So what can we do against it? 


My advice would be to scroll social media with intention! When you next open the app…


  1. Set a time limit - it’s part of taking control of it

  2. Decide on the intention for your visit, such as ‘I’m here to learn from my fellows’, I’m here to connect with new clients’ ‘I’m here to observe different marketing strategies’ 

  3. Have a notepad in hand - all sorts of thoughts and feelings will arise. To make this a healthy and constructive time, you could keep track of them!


Taking care of yourself

& Building those Healthy Self-Employed Habits…


...because no-one else will do that for you! When you’re hustling forward, it might be a good idea to stop and ponder - would any decent organisation let me do this as their employee?


Healthy work hours, lunch breaks, sick leave, holidays… These are all things you’ll have to put into place for yourself - like any half-decent company would. It might meet some protest at first from your boss (you), and then some pushback from the overachieving employee (you), but maybe the human rights activist HR personnel (you) will step up and give you what you deserve! 


On top of that, a worthwhile company would encourage and reward exercise, healthy eating habits & mindfulness efforts - perhaps all part of their ‘well-being programme’. And they have one because they know that if they keep you happy and healthy, you’ll perform better and stay with them longer. Wouldn’t you want the same for your favourite employee?


Being your own boss - what a dream! 
Inner Peace as a Self-Employed Artist

What I hadn’t known is that it’s only a dream if you find your inner peace within it. It’s a business - by nature, it’s going to have its ups and downs. Our job (we didn’t necessarily know we’d have) is to surf those waves with grace, joy & faith.


I hope the lessons I’ve learned and shared will help us all towards this peace in our work, so that we can enjoy what we do in a great system we’ve created.



Good Luck,

Julia




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